writing pool
A Collection of Reviews, Short Stories and Essays
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Thursday, September 27, 2007 What are you waiting for, A certain shade of green? Six o’clock on the dot, Anna thinks, groaning as she glances up from bed towards her beat up clock radio. Ten more minutes. What are you waiting for? A written invitation? A public declaration? Finally having had enough of Brandon Boyd’s biting lyrics, Anna reluctantly forces herself out of bed, steps into her frayed bedroom slippers, and walks the short distance from her room to her apartment’s clinically tidy bathroom. She showers for exactly fifteen minutes, consequently brushes her teeth for three, wraps herself up in her ratty green bathrobe, heads straight for her closet and finally begins the usual process of getting ready for her rather uninspiring work as Assistant to the Executive Assistant of the Assistant Vice President of the sister company of the ABC Publishing Group. Waking up is usually the hardest part of the day. The rest is so impossibly mind-numbing that one cannot help but just deal with it. Struggling past the throng of people converging at the subway, answering irate phone calls, setting up and canceling meetings, brewing and serving cheap black coffee, taking down minutes of her boss’ meetings… the daily grind, as Anna calls it, if anything, is tolerable. It’s the getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning part that is particularly difficult. There was just nothing to look forward to lately. Even if today is pay day. Her apparent lack of friends usually meant spending both weeknights at home alone, curled up by her imaginary fireplace, reading sentimental novels while listening to funk-rock music playing in the background. It is safe to say then…that our friend Anna here, save for her oddly interesting taste in music, lives a boring, if almost nonexistent, life. And she intends to keep it that way. The less people in her life, the better. That is what she keeps telling herself anyway. Now, Let us see what we can do to disrupt Anna’s monotonous existence. BUZZ!!! Anna is confused. Tonight was not Chinese Delivery night. That was on Thursdays. Mr. Yao must have gotten her mixed up with Martha, the crazy old lady living right above her apartment. As if on cue, she hears cursing followed by the sound of dishes crashing on the floor. Curious as to who could be at the door shortly before her favorite soap opera was about to start, Anna heads over to check out her unannounced visitor through the peephole. She finds herself staring at a distorted version of her mirror image sheepishly smiling and waving guiltily back at her. Oh God, what did she get herself into this time? BUZZ!!! BUZZZZ!!! Sighing heavily, Anna finally unbolted the three locks she installed for her apartment door—a precaution used after a particularly bad stalker incident. “Olga,” she muttered. “Why the sudden visit?” “Awww I miss you too, A!” laughed Olga, clearly in good spirits. Not even bothering to wait for an invitation from her clearly annoyed identical twin sister, Olga gladly showed herself into the living room. She was wearing one of her crazy colorful dresses and was lugging behind an even more outrageous looking piece of luggage; she had channeled Jackson Pollock and Pacita Abad while pouring different colors of paint on the white canvass exterior of her maleta for the sole purpose of not getting it mixed up by other people. Anna would have just tied a bright red ribbon on the luggage’s strap the way most people do. But Olga, categorically, is not “most people.” “I would’ve let myself in had you not changed the locks again,” said Olga. “Seriously, Ann, you should just put the Javier incident where it belongs: in the past! There is absolutely no need to be paranoid. And you have to admit, it was kind of FUNNY!” “Oh I did not just hear that,” came Anna’s acid reply. “You weren’t the one who had to deal with your twin sister’s creepy locksmith stalker!” Anna visibly shuddered at the memory of creepy locksmith Javier. She suddenly remembered that long excruciating walk home. She was on the verge of crossing the bridge leading to her street when she noticed the mysterious guy smiling at her from the other end of the bridge in what seemed like a malicious manner. The memory never failed to send chills up and down her spine. But, of course, nothing would ever compare to when he started showing up at the floor of her apartment every night for ten days until she finally filed a restraining order at the nearest police station. Even after that, she would still see him spying over her at the phone booth on the far corner of her street. And he would always have that large SLR camera with him. It was a dark period in Anna’s life—one that she would give anything, move heaven and hell for, just to erase from the deepest recesses of her mind. “Annnn,” Olga said melodiously, interrupting Anna’s train of thought. “You’re blowing things out of proportion again…Javier’s a sweetheart! And anything but a stalker! He was just concerned about me after our stint in AA together! And I already apologized for letting him think you were me, I just needed to escape his protective clutches for a couple of months!” Up until Olga decided to drop by earlier during the year for another one of her unannounced visits, Anna’s life was literally a living nightmare. Every day, she struggled to escape the roving eye of her sudden stalker, running the other way every time she saw him make his move towards her. Never in her life had she felt so harassed. It was one of the few moments in her twenty seven years that she had to change her routine, and rather drastically at that. She installed numerous locks on her door (a futile attempt on her part because Javier owned the chain of lock stores where she bought all these new bolts from) and was already considering leaving her cozy apartment when she saw Olga talking animatedly with Javier right outside her living room window. Suddenly, it all clicked. The universe started re-aligning itself again and Anna never felt angrier at her twin for conveniently forgetting to inform her about the identity switch. Apparently, as Olga explained later, she and Javier—whom she fondly referred to as ‘Javie’—were part of the same support group during Olga’s Alcoholics Anonymous days, a period in Olga’s life that was ripe with epiphanies. It was right after she broke up with her bipolar artist boyfriend. She had spent many nights drinking herself to sleep until she finally came to her senses and dragged herself to her first AA meeting. Javier became her life-buddy and was religiously serious about helping Olga maintain sobriety up to the point that it had already begun to annoy her. Always used to going where the wind took her, Olga was definitely not used to being followed and monitored every minute of the day. Hence, her brilliant idea of switching identities with her twin sister Anna. It would only be for a couple of months, but as Olga found she enjoyed backpacking across Europe too much, it lasted an entire year. The moment Anna figured it all out, she resolved never to speak to her twin again, a phenomenon that lasted a mere twelve hours as Anna had never in her life been able to resist her twin sister’s quirky apologies. Olga had, in all sincerity, rationalized that she had thought it would be better that Anna was unaware of the whole situation as Olga did not want her to feel the need to cover up for her again. This has happened repeatedly in the past because of Olga’s penchant for switching identities with Anna (most of the time, the other twin was unaware) to get herself out of trouble. “So,” Anna began suspiciously. “What brings you here now, Ol?” “I’ve actually come to do you a favor Ann!” “And that is…?” asked Anna, becoming more paranoid by the minute. She was totally fine about Olga keeping her favors to herself. “See, I felt so bad about how the whole Javie incident turned out,” Olga began. “So I was thinking just the other day, that you needed to properly detoxify from that rather traumatic—although I still think it was funny—experience!” “And how, pray tell, do you propose I do that?” replied Anna, one eyebrow raised to perfection, a look she had perfected after spending three days in front of the mirror, a look she just loved subjecting her twin to whenever she knew Olga was up to something fishy. “Oh I’ve already arranged everything!” “Wh-what…?” Anna’s expression turned from smug to incredulous as Olga described what she had been up to that the day. Apparently, her twin had pulled another identity switch and withdrew a chunk of Anna’s savings from the bank in order to plan what she referred to as Anna’s “ultimate detox trip of a lifetime.” “You’re going to Amazing Thailand!” informed Olga. “Everything’s been paid and you’ll be leaving tomorrow with a friend of mine—you need to pretend you’re me though. He doesn’t know I have a twin sister! Haha! Exciting, huh? You get to pretend to be crazy old me for a month!” “Are you out of your mind?!” Anna protested. “I can’t leave right now! I’m in the middle of something at work! And my boss has been hinting about a promotion!” “That’s why I’m here Ann!” Olga assured her. “Why do you think I lugged ‘ol Rosemary with me?” “Rosemary?” “My suitcase, duh!” interjected Olga with an expression that assumed Anna should have known better. “I’m officially volunteering myself to work on your behalf. Mom and Dad have always hinted about me getting a real job so this is really perfect! And weren’t you the one who always said you wished I had a bit of stability in my life?” “I did say that…”Anna began. “But I didn’t mean for it to be you stealing mine! I’m not going!” “Too late for that,” Olga replied. “I went to your office earlier today to tell your boss—who seemed to think your name was ‘Andrea’ by the way—that you were taking a day’s leave to drop off your sister at the airport. You’re getting on that plane, Ann, even if I have to force you into it myself.” For the first time in her life, Anna could not think of anything to say. This was, by far, the craziest plan Olga had ever concocted that involved her. But she also had to acknowledge the fact that deep down (it was simply useless to deny it), she was starting to feel a little bit of excitement at the thought of taking a couple weeks off to, as Olga put it, ‘detoxify.’ “…finally wear that bikini you’ve been concealing at the bottom of your underwear drawer, drink Mai-Tais while soaking under the glorious Phuket sun, meet a ton of hot men at the Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, maybe even smoke a joint or two…” Olga was saying. “Or you can even visit one of those historical places in the island, I know you’re fond of that. Although I could never understand your fascination with history. I mean… Ann? Hey, Ann? Are you even listening?” Staring at her mirror image waving eagerly at her, Anna finally mouthed the word her twin sister was dreading not to hear. “Okay.” “What?” replied a momentarily confused Olga. “I mean, that’s just great!” Olga was about to jump up and down like the deranged lunatic she sometimes is when she saw her twin raise a hand, signaling her to momentarily postpone the celebration. She sensed Anna was about to drop a bombshell on her. And she couldn’t have been more on target. Damn these twin intuition thingies! “I’m going Ol,” Anna began. “But on one condition. This will be the last time we—rather, you—pull an identity switch…ever.” Although she sensed something like this was coming, Olga was still stunned into silence. But it only lasted a millisecond before she finally agreed. After all, she realized, it was also time for her to start being more responsible. She knew she couldn’t rely on Anna bailing her out of trouble forever. This was actually a win-win situation for both of them. She got to learn to be more responsible while her twin can finally learn how it was to be more spontaneous. “Deal,” Olga conceded and the twins finally started talking about Anna’s trip details and Olga’s “code of behavior” at Anna’s office. *** “Now don’t forget about the report I’m supposed to submit to Ma’am Lorna on Friday,” Anna reminded Olga for the hundred and seventeenth time on their way to the airport’s departure wing. “All the details are in the My Documents folder in my laptop. And the…” “You already told me that Ann!” Olga interrupted with an annoyed look on her face. “Reports are on Fridays, Laptop password’s BrandonB—you’re obsessed by the way—and Lorna’s meetings are every Monday at eight in the morning blah blah blah. Who would name their kid Lorna anyway? It’s almost as bad as my math teacher Carlota.” “Olga!” “What?” Olga asked innocently. “Fine, I’ll be nice.” Anna took several calming breaths before finally changing the topic. “So, where am I supposed to meet your friend again? And you haven’t told me his name yet!” “Oh, er, Lucas,” Olga supplied, adjusting her oversized sunglasses. “He’ll meet you by the gate leading to the plane. I don’t have his picture with me but he’ll recognize you—duh—so just act like you’re me!” “Okay,” replied Anna. “God this is crazy. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” “Well…” Olga began. “It’s about to get crazier. Oooh look, there’s Jav—er, Lucas by the door! Gotta go Ann, enjoy your vacation! You deserve it!” After suddenly giving her twin sister a tight hug, Olga ceremoniously bolted as fast as her feet would carry her, leaving her confused twin rooted to the spot where Olga was a few moments ago. Bewildered by her twin sister’s sudden escape, Anna finally looked up to see Olga’s friend walking towards her. And she nearly fainted on the spot. It was Javier. But this is impossible! Anna thought wildly. Olga told me his name was Lucas! Lucas!!! I’m going to kill her!!! I should just grab Rosemary and leave! But it was too late as Javier was already reaching out, all smiles, to give her a big hug. “L-lucas?” Anna stammered, clutching her boarding pass as if her life depended on it. “Er, hi!!!” Javier laughed gregariously. “Why so formal, Ol? I told you I hate being called by my real name! I’m Javier now…well, actually, I was thinking about changing it again to the name you suggested—IVANA SHANDA LIER! Brilliant, girl, brilliant! Air kiss sweetie!!!” As Javier pulled her towards him, Anna was momentarily stunned. “IVANA…SHANDA…LIER??” stammered Anna, for the first time noticing the bright magenta shirt Javier was wearing. The words BRIDGETTE OF MADISON COUNTY were printed on it in bold gold letters. “W-wait a m-minute…that must mean you’re…gay, right?” Now it was Javier—rather, Ivana’s turn to step back and look puzzled. “Are you high, girlfriend?? Have you been drinking again or something??” Ivana moved closer as if to get a whiff of Anna’s breath. “Hmmm, clearly sober. You didn’t smoke a joint before you went to the airport right? Olga, remember what we learned in AA? Do you want me to have a bitch fit again? Ol? What's so funny??” “Oh, Javie!” squealed Anna, doubling over her sides with laughter. The moment she found out about Ivana, relief—sheer glorious relief—just flooded all over her body that she couldn’t help but just laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation! All the months of terror…all the trauma she felt during what she thought was the ultimate nightmare stalker situation of her entire twenty seven years melted upon the utterance of that singularly divine, absolutely fabulous name: Ivana Shanda Lier. It was as if Anna was drunk on life! Ridiculously high for the first time EVER! Who knew relief could have the same effects as the dozen shots of tequila she had some five years ago? For the first time in Anna’s life, she truly felt that she was on the verge of doing something wild and crazy—far crazier than what Olga would have even thought her capable. She just couldn’t stop laughing! Laughing at all her absurdly high expectations…laughing until her sides ached at all the judgments and resentment she had for every single person she encountered…laughing at all the drama she created for herself…how melodramatic she was! “Okaaay, Ol,” interrupted a still bewildered but already annoyed Ivana. “I know the idea of me doing the whole drag thing may seem funny to you now but once we’re in Koh Phangan’s Full Moon Party and you see me raking in more men than you…I’ll be the one having the last laugh.” “I’m sorry!” gasped Anna in between laughs. “I didn’t mean…I just…God this is just…I’m just so excited!!!” “Okay,” replied Ivana in a singsong manner. “Somebody is in dire need of Valium. You’re lucky I always have extras with me!” Finally able to get a hold of her composure, Anna let herself be dragged into the plane’s First Class section (praise Olga to the high heavens) by the amused but still confused Ivana, and embarked on what would be the first of many crazy trips she would be taking with Ivana, her twin sister, and a ton more interesting people in her lifetime. -Fin-
posted by Tricia @ 8:00 PM 0 Comments:
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